Loneliness is something we all feel at some point in our lives whether its for a brief moment or what seems like eternity. For someone like me who is single, and better off single, there’s a limited number of options to cure loneliness. Booty calls help but they make you realize what you are missing by not having a significant other or someone else to share ups and downs with.
It might not seem it but I struggle with loneliness every single day. Like I said booty calls help and friends but the real tough times are holidays and vacations. This is when you see other people with their spouses or partners and think “Why cant I be that happy”. I believe its because some of us are meant to be alone.
Its not like Jen was my first relationship that failed or even my first serious relationship that failed. There used to be Sara. She left me because of the hours I would work and the long days spent at the fire house. At least Sara didn’t tear my heart out with here teeth! I have women all the time flirt with me (I’m not that bad a looking dude). I will more or less sabotage my own chances rather than get close to someone again. Which in of itself is disheartening. Jen really doesn’t know how fucked up she got me.
That’s kind of another topic. I never let Jen know how much she hurt me or even that I was hurt. I can be pretty emotionless when needed and its part of my old jobs training. Disassociation they call it. Wish I never learned it because I believe it makes it so much harder to deal with issues later on.
Either way this post has got me down so Im going to stop now and just say…
<E
In some way i feel the same. Have my ups and downs time to time. Not sure if it 1st love who found other or life in general, but i chose to be alone and now approaching 40this don’t have any desire finding someone. Just you know, there is always people who feel the same, you are not alone.
Thanks brotha. I know I am not alone and that keeps me going. Just hard sometimes to see others happy when all I want is to happy myself.
I hate Jen already lol
LOL Jen was not so nice once we started to date. Completely different from what she was like out in public.
This hit hard, Enigma. Thanks for sharing this side of you. Dissociation and putting up walls is just how we protect ourselves when we’ve been hurt badly, so don’t be too hard on yourself for that. Just remember you don’t have to carry it all by yourself. Glad you’re using this blog to let it out. Keep writing, man.
Thanks bro, the writing does helps on those days when I cant get some thought or something in the past off my mind. I decided to show everyone the human side of me. Often times people online especially some kind of mod or admin become this larger than life person who is only sitting at the pc all day. That’s not me 😁
Now we deserve to see Enigma 😁
No one has ever seen me tbh. Its not that Im disfigured. I just don’t want my photo flying around discord! lol. Good to hear from you!
Its unfair for me but ok!
I respect you 😉
😍
Maybe SOMEDAY Ill post a pic and blur out my face. I think that would be acceptable to the masses. After all there’s never been a picture of me!
Lonliness is required sometimes , but its not useful if its more than it should be .. I really have to tell at some point it can turn into a nightmare
Loneliness does get to me but I combat it with online friends and family.