So I decided to do a check up post because its been awhile since I did one. (Thanks for reminding me Nico)

My carpel tunnel is really bad now and wakes me up most nights with extreme pain. I could easily go to the doctors but Im a typical guy and I put off everything I can! My doctor will send me to a specialist and get it taken care of. As much pain as I am in I wouldnt be surprised if they just went straight to surgery. That will take me out of work a little bit which is good for my hand.

Most days I’m just watching TV. At the moment I’m watching stranger things on Netflix. I found X-Files on one of the streaming services I have and I’ve also been watching that. I grew up watching X-Files so its somewhat relaxing. I’m also working my way through Forensic Files.

So we were expecting more snow today but it never came. I am glad because its hard driving around now with giant snow mounds blocking your sight around corners. Maybe I’m just getting old because I used to love snow when I was a bit younger like 30s. Now its just a hassle.

Not really much to write so I will come up with topics or you can and DM them to me on discord. Till then keep your head up and remember there’s always someone somewhere whos got it worse.

So we are suppose to have a pretty big snow storm tomorrow. They are projecting 11 inches starting in the morning. (That’s 27.94 CM) That’s quite a bit for us the most we’ve had in the past couple years. I like snow but I’m not the kind of person to go out and play in it. I enjoy how it makes everything else quiet and how it looks until it gets chewed up from road gunk.

I’m back to work after being sick. Today was my first full shift back and it went well I think. Ill hear about it in the morning… or I wont. Either way it was the best I could have done I mean I’m one person.

Everything is kind of blah I’m ready for the end of June. I’m going on a cruise with some family members end of June beginning of July. Its really 2 cruises one to a few islands then the other cruise is to a party island then out into the ocean for the 4th of July for fireworks on the ocean. Which sound exciting but scary at the same time. I hope nothing bad happens with a rogue fire work.

Anyway I just wanted to update you guys about how things are going. Not much to talk about so gonna say have a good week and hopefully will talk to you guys soon.

-E

So there has been a development in something that I have been trying to get done since December 2020. I cant say what it is right now but I am not the only one whos been pulling for this ‘development’. I want to blab and tell you all but I will wait for this dream to come true first.

I’m still fairly sick but I cant tell if its from the infection or the flu now. I would say another 2 days just laying in bed and Ill be ok. The first day. HOLY SHIT. I thought I was dying. I had to take a 90 minute drive with my dad one way and it was the most agonizing 90 mins I have ever experiences. I was just so sick that I didn’t have energy for anything. All I wanted to do was curl into a ball and moan. It wasn’t nauseous it was just that I was drained of energy and even coughing I have no energy for.

I didn’t notice when I was on the trip with my father that I didn’t drink anything and with a fever that’s just stupid. When I got home I pissed brown (I shit you not). That’s how dehydrated I was. I skipped the water and went directly to an IV of saline.

I return to work on Saturday I have to say my boss has been really accommodating during this recent sickness. I work hard for them so I know that they know I’m not faking it or otherwise don’t want to work. I mean I could work… But then I would really be drained energy wise.

Everything online is well. Sailor is doing well after grand opening. I’ve been getting back to some of my IRC roots and touching base with the people I know on there.

Other than that everything else is normal.

-E

I stepped on a small nail last week and thought nothing of it (except every time I walked..)

I never finished the above because that day I was in the hospital again with staph. This comes with a nasty fever and chills and sweats. Its pretty fucked up that the first course of anti biotics didn’t do the trick. I mean they ARE I.V. anti biotics and pills.

Anyway. Ill I have been doing is watching TV and thinking about things to blog. I also got to meet and re-meet some friends from around the hospital where I was at. My carpal tunnel is feeling ok now but that’s because I’ve been away from the pc/work for so long.

Speaking of work I go back Saturday but I don’t know if I’m ready lol. I haven’t had to hustle or make anyone’s food for days! People have been making my food and cleaning my sheets!

Anyway as for things to blog about I’m at a loss. Oh wait nevermind I also have a touch of the flu but day 4 of it so its ez pz now. I am still on anti biotics orally for the next 12 days I think.

Anyway hit me up on my discord channel to chat about this or anything else.

Ill try and make my posts more frequent with more ideas so message me in discord… Im enigma.usa

This will be a short story about one of the risky predictaments I got myself into while I was a fire fighter.

Now a thing you learn as a fire fighter is when you are doing any kind of search in a house you keep the wall on your right and you circle the room with the handle of your ax out to feel for anything thats soft. Which may or may not be a body. So me and my partner enter a room and clear it and then back in the hallway we cleared another room.

On the third room we cleared when we were about to exit back into the hallway and make our way out of the house the entire thing flashed over. Flashover is an instance of a fire spreading very rapidly across a gap because of intense heat. Thats what I could find online. However those gaps between items which are on fire becomes fire itself. The air explodes in a whoooomph and everything is on fire and ignites at the same time. Including the air…

So we see this because its brighter than the smoke is dark and instantly I know what it was so I closed the door as quick as I could. This wouldn’t give us long because it was a wooden door not even solid. Now we are in a bedroom or at least that’s what I thought it was and we have no way out. My partner busts out the only window in the room and its a small window neither of us are fitting through it.

I noticed we were in a room that had a wall to the exterior of the structure. So my bright idea is to start hacking at that wall with my ax, knowing full well we have some thick wood to get through between the wall and the outside.

Still trapped we now had other fire fighters hacking at the other side of the wall on the outside. Finally what we had to do to escape was take our tanks off (which still had o2 in them) and pass them through the wall to our team outside and then we got through the wall and out to the outside.

That was one of the closer times I come to death I believe in my career. The thing about still having o2 in our tanks was we practices skip breathing and also didn’t use our tanks the entire time.

If you liked this story please let me know on discord.

-E

Again this topic comes from Nicolete. If you have a topic you think I should include in my blog please get at me using one of the methods in the contact me page.

Nico suggested I should talk about fears, specifically fears of failure, social rejection, bullying, and poverty. Keep in mind Im 45 years old so my point of view may differ from yours.

Fear in general is not logical because you suffer twice. Thinking about the the thing you fear then actually living it. I have a well… its not a motto but its a technique. (I suppose this could come from my previous job too) What I do is I take a deep breath and say reassuring things to myself like I belong here, or these people want to hear what I have to say. Then I come out looking like I’m not social awkward or otherwise in an uncomfortable state. Always keep in mind as much as you think about stuff sometimes (even petty stuff) the man or woman next to you is doing just as much thinking. (Even the X rated stuff) Now take into account the millions on this planet all of those people thinking. Mind blowing huh? So keep in mind your insecurities could also be someone’s insecurity too or they could be completely different but everyone feels them.

As much as I would like to say I was ever bullied I never way. Nor did I bully as far as I remember. Bullying is for the weak. Its like the kid with the biggest mouth in the school yard is the one with the glass jaw or goes down easily. With bullies there really is nothing to do but do as every old man has said. Stand up for yourself and they will back off. If this means just verbally or physically if you stand up for yourself and of course back it up they will back off.

Living in America I have little fear of poverty. Well that’s kind of a lie. I live with my aging mother and father in a separate apartment which is good for both of us because I can help them and I can also save on rent. Which in America is crazy. My wages would barely keep me alive if I was in my own place. Also, considering both my parents are in their 70s I don’t mind spending the extra time with them.

Fear of rejection can hold you back quite substantially. Imagine you were too scared to go to your first day of school? Where would you be? Without an education unless you are home schooled. This is easier for me to say because rejection is something you will get in one form or another many times in your life. Really the things you got to decide is if you take the rejection to heart and dwell on it or do you take it and brush it off your shoulder like the pimp you are?

Social rejection and other paranoias are always in a persons head and if they slowly address the issue with a counselor, if needed, you can get through it.

I have my own demons which I will discuss someday but I have little to no fears that I have faces thus far in life.

-E

p.s. I have found out that with WordPress which is what Im running it is impossible to turn off email verification. So the next thing is to make email work so we can have comments on the website!

Nicolete suggested this topic and it is a topic eventually that I would have come to during the normal course of things. Drugs are everywhere and personally I’ve never had a hard time finding them.

When I lived in Florida I was parked in a gas station eating a hot dog before I got going. A man walked up to me and said “you good”? That’s slang for do you want any of the drugs I have :P. He has pills and I don’t go pills. If I do drugs its either pot or cocaine depending on the night. Doing the work I did for as long as I did it you learn that cocaine leaves your system in 24 hours. So if they drug tested me I would just not use for a couple days. Yes. I worked as a fire fighter with a cocaine habit. See, fire fighters do get drug tested so you need something that will leave your system quickly.

Many people are not like me and can function while they are impaired. I know my limits and never exceed them meaning I would never drive on cocaine or any other heavy drugs. Ive been smoking pot heavily for a couple months now and just started smoking again when I was 40 because that takes a long time to leave your system which was a problem with my job.

The stuff I’ve seen because of drugs should really make me not want to use them and sometimes I don’t know why I do. Nico suggested I talk about young people and the loss of their future by using drugs because they steal and rob people for money to get drugs. Im kind of living proof that not everyone does that sort of thing to get their fix but their are some!

Those some you can see in the cover of store opening because that’s the only place they can sleep. Some people spend every dime they have on drugs and those people are NOT like me. I pay bills first then I get my drugs :P. Those people who spend every dime they have are the ones sleeping in store door openings for the protection from the elements. Someone like me cant understand how they allow their addition to control them so much.

Children in my opinion have no right to be near any drugs at all. School first then you experiment and have your fun. Children who use drugs in school really have a poor outlook on life. Shock and awe is what usually works. Show those children where the man who spends his last dime on drugs sleeps. Or bring them to the morgue because I know even tonight as I sleep 2-4 people will over dose in my state to a point of needing medical intervention or worse.

I do not categorize alcohol as the same as like weed for instance. Weed is legal in my state and everyone is going to the dispensaries for it. However I think alcohol is worse than weed. I mean look at it from the point of view of a random motorist on the road with you. Would you want them drunk out of their minds so that they couldn’t walk much less drive? Or would you rather have a man who smoked a joint just before getting in his car. Honestly you are prolly saying neither but as a pot head who has been drunk before I suggest that the pot head driving would be safer. Either way this is against the law just like driving impaired. I don’t know if the same penalties apply.

Either way drugs are bad for you and so is alcohol but everyone needs a vice. There’s a lot of bad stuff out there which totally messes you up worse than anything I’ve mentioned here. My stance on drugs is everyone lives once let them do as they wish with that life.

p.s. if you have any comments about this post please leave them here

My Christmas was ok. Family came over (well most of them) and me and my mother ate Christmas dinner together. My father chose to not eat. Why let him ruin our meal right? The turkey was good and potatoes and gravy but that’s all I ate. We are having pies in a little while.

Sorry about my last posting it was kinda everywhere. Ill try and organize my posts better.

This post is going to be short I can tell because although I want to write (type) I have nothing to say…

Oh fun fact I have carpal tunnel so my left hand is rather numb. Its more numb when I put the brace on but my wrist hurts less. Give and take, win some lose some.

Something exciting is the grand opening of Sailor Online’s new cap. Its a progressive system so the cap raises every few months. All I do now a days is run events in game but in Sailor’s early years I was the man who MegaMax trusted to build his support system as well as handle the difficult discord stuff so he didn’t need to learn it.

I think I did a rather good job honestly. Now there are people like eAM who learned from the things I was doing and Lumi. I’m not bitter that they learned from me and dominate the support aspect of the job, it had to be done. Honestly, I’m feeling too old and impatient to do support anymore. Ill leave it to the young bucks.

Good news though. Megamax is going to somehow write something for me to use for hide and seek. It will contain a bunch of spawn points, he said 100 but I’m shooting for more. I will prolly take staff and player suggestions.

That’s about it though nothing exciting going on in my life. Just another Christmas.

-E

I would like to start this off by wishing everyone a pleasant holidays no matter how you celebrate or don’t in some cases. I will talk a little about everything in this post so don’t mind my randomness.

First off I would like to address something I wanted to blog on but every time I tried I couldn’t. Relationships, can be hard or can be your kind of life. For me I’m single and I will remain single. There’s nothing out there that pornhub cant give me. I’m jaded though because of a previous issue with an ex.

Occasionally I think the ex should have died for what she did to me. Sometimes I think and hope she has a better life than I could provide. Don’t get me wrong… I’m the kind of guy who could walk into a bar and score a woman at least for some company if not for a little rub-a-dub. However, all my motivation is gone and I see the opposite sex as the enemy. So I put up a wall..

My walls don’t come down. Its safer for me and for future interests if I just sit behind my wall. Even though it is lonely. Especially this time of the year the loneliness shows up. I have my dog Spot but a canine companion can only do so much for you.

This past week I was at a friends house cuz his girlfriend went to Florida to visit her parents. When she got there she found out that he step mother found out that her father was cheating. I mean, is there no seriously strong relationship out there? The drama from that really took up a lot of my time with my boy Charlie. In fact he said something to be that I took to heart. He said you cant trust anyone but your brothers. I’m his brother and I’ve been best friends with him for the last 15 years.

Anyway the holidays always get me down.

I had a user come and read my blog and he says it needs more pictures so Im going to try and spruce up the blog site in the next couple days.

On the topic of loneliness I urge anyone who feels this way and has no outlet to come to me and I will listen in an un-biased manor. Others have confided in me before on discord in direct messages and I welcome anyone who needs someone to talk to.

On to lighter topics. I’ve been fucking with a duckhunt script in IRC of course its an eggdrop. I’m sure my buddy SCR will help me out with it. Other than that I’m all set for Christmas. Everyone is getting a gift card this year. Easy for me!

I guess since its Christmas and some of you might feel down maybe a story will show you how lucky we are just to survive.

Sometime mid afternoon we get a call at the station that there is a kid choking and he is just around the corner. We get there in legit minutes to find a toddler blue and not breathing. We perform manual thrusts to the back of this toddler but he wont start breathing again.

We put him down and tried to intubate him but his airway was so narrow we were unable to do it. The rescue showed up and cut into the Childs throat and inserted a tube so he could breath.

As I said this happened right next to the fire house. We were friends with the parents of the child so we drove the fire truck behind the rescue all the way to the hospital. We had to stop twice to try and get his heart beating again.

The toddler ended up dying and for 2 weeks we had out engine out of service because we were at the parents house trying to do anything we could to help them deal with their grief including watch the couples other children while they buried this one.

So.. Life can be ups and downs but always know this. Someone else’s ups and downs may be worse. We should all take a second and think about other people’s feelings and state of mind.

Merry Christmas to all

<3

What its like to be me… lets see. I moderate one of the bigger SRO servers discord and let me tell you there IS such a thing as burn out.

I’ve had the unique experience of being around for every staff members first and last days (some of those last days I made happen myself). We’ve had some good staff and some bad staff but I respect every one of them for trying. Support is NOT an ideal role for anyone.

Some staff members would exit the role of support peacefully and some others would not however it is a unique experience. For the most part of Sailor it was me who hired and fired staff. I suppose it is still me but now I have other voices to listen to. It was easier alone because if they failed the fault would lie on my shoulders. Now it doesn’t matter who hired the supporter the blame still falls to my shoulders.

We are a short step from mandatory classes for supporters. As it is now I have created documents on google docs which the supporters have to read to get the info they need for the exams I give. The sad part about it is I see others thinking its a joke.

Sure we don’t get paid but does that mean that the customer (any user) shouldn’t get the support they need? Fine question there huh? I say no matter the pay (whatever it is) there are certain people who do support for the heck of doing it in the first place. These are the people we want to recruit into Sailor.

I don’t know what got me on this tangent but I will just end it here by saying good supporters do it for the lost blind or idiotic.

On to other news. I asked a question in my last blog post here and I got one response from Nicolete. He said he lives in Egypt and it has one of the highest poverty rate in the world. He also mentioned that there is no middle class. Its the rich versus the poor.

I’d like to think even this has nothing to go with government but doesn’t it always? Why does this go on in the world now a days?

Anyway please feel free to comment about any of my posts here which will be the temporary place for comments till I get comments working here.

I will be looking for topics to discuss soon and you guys can get at me if you have a topic you want me to discuss or anything. I’m doing this for the people who asked me to do it.

<3

-E

p.s. I didnt really talk about being a moderator or being a manager but I will in my next blog posting.